Monday, November 26, 2007

Marriage.. umm.. marriage.. its a beautiful institution.. when 2 people (or their families) decide to spend their lifetimes together then their union is termed as marriage.. its the final celebration of love.. the union of 2 individual souls and lives conjoining into one single existence. Ideally a married couple should act and be like the same person.. they shud merge and become like one conscious. It is then and only then that a marriage can be a successful and happy union.

In life we get to hear so many incidents and occurrences. But an average man hears about it from a distance, with hardly any of these touching him or people close to him. Yesterday an incident took place but it was not distant to me. The incident has touched me and has shaken me and aroused lots of emotions within me which i have not felt before. One of my closest friends got married. U ask, Y it shook me? yes, marriage is a nice healthy affair for society, its a gloriously happy moment touching everyone near the couple in the spotlight and their close and dear ones. But still it shook me. My friend who got married was.. correction is.. a very close friend, one whom i hold in high esteem and one who is very close me, more than she realises. She is like a this beautiful jewel in a crown sparkling brighter than a hundred suns.. she is a friend whose friendship i treasure.. NO NO, now don't get the wrong idea... I'm talking about a friend and i mean just a friend, nothing more.

Her happy conjugation just made me realise that how close to my life, all these incidents have become. I can recall a time when they seemed amazingly far away. A happening i could be least worried about. A time when i laughed, played and thoroughly enjoyed myself in weddings. I never realised that one day it would creep on me and i'd see my friends would start thinking as well as getting married. It always seemed a distant thought, but now its close and people who r close to me have started to get married, and while i'm happy and glad for them, i'm also in a confused state. No, i wudn't say confused; its more like i'm feeling afraid.. takenaback.. totally surprised and also confused.

I dont know why i also feel like i've lost something. Her marriage has now re-defined our friendship and it would never be the same again. I know she'll still be my friend and hopefully still see me as close a friend as she saw me till now, but i know that everything is different now.. there are new boundaries formed. Higher fences put up that can't be scaled. More topics that cant be spoken about and also new politics have come into play.

This will happen with all other friends as they start getting married one by one. The queue has reached my generation and the distance is getting smaller and smaller. Why am i afraid? Is it becoz i fear that once all my friends get married i'd be left alone? or is it becoz i know i will not withstand the marriage of one other friend?

I do not know what i fear, but fear right now is the prevalent and the most over powering emotion filling me. Am i afraid of change? i dont think so. Whatever anyone mite say, change is not what i fear. I think i have an idea about what i fear, but i cant state it explicitly over here. If you r an intelligent person, you mite be able to figure it out. Its not so hard. the clues are openly visible.

Anyways, i'm not afraid of marriage, its a good thing to happen, to me to you or anyone. Sneha i know you u know what the clues lead to, but you've decided your course in life. There is no turning back now. But i can think over my course again and again. God willing i'll chose the rite one.

-->> SJ

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